Thankful

I'm thankful 2 be alive. Coming home from South Carolina on Saturday we began to hear a noise as we drove. It kept getting louder and louder and louder until we were forced to pull over. We pulled into a gas station and checked the engine, the tires, everything ... and could find nothing. We got back on the road and still, the noise persisted. We got off at the next exit somewhere near Richmond and found a Wal-Mart. After waiting two hours, they told us they could not do anything because they did not want to be held liable. Apparently, I had been driving around with only three lugnuts on my front driver side tire. One was missing, and not just the nut but the entire stem! It could only have been GoodYear because I purchased these tires from them, they rotated them for me recently and I even stopped by GoodYear the day before I left just to make sure my tires were ok for a long trip. Needless to say I was more than just a little pissed. Obviously, they had done something or broke something and never told me. A nut and stem doesn't just miraculously come off of a car out of the clear blue! So, the guy at Walmart looked under the car to make sure everything was ok and that "the sound" wasn't emanating from anything else. It wasn't. He then checked the tire to make sure it was secure and safe for us to make it home. He said it was. I even checked with my Grandfather to make sure it was safe to travel with a tire having only 3 nuts. He said it was. But still, the sound kept getting louder and louder. My mom was not comfortable driving ... I should have listened to her. But what options did we have? We were in the middle of nowhere, a good 200 miles from home still. Anything would have been closed and the next day was Sunday when no kind of auto store was opened anyway. We could make it. We were safe. Wrong!

We made it all the way to Alexandria, VA, right outside of Washington, DC. We were in the middle lane on 495 when POP! All the nuts flew off the tire and the car jerked down. My mom screamed and skidded to a halt. Only God could have stopped my car like that. We skidded to a complete stop right in the middle of our lane. Hazards went on. Meanwhile we have an army of trucks and cars coming full speed ahead behind us. They all honked and swerved and we were helpless to do anything but sit there and pray to God that nobody hit us as they swerved all around us going 70 - 80 miles an hour. Suddenly, BOOM! My mirror went flying off as a car skidded by, his windshield cracked. I don't think I've ever been so scared. Not just for me, but my mom, my sister and my sister's boyfriend were all in the car. Eventually people in our lane began to slow down until eventually they stopped and merged the best they could into the speeding traffic around us. We had called 911 but the cops were nowhere to be found. Thankfully, a tow truck happened to be driving by and they got us off the road where the man who had hit us was waiting.

Boy, were we spared. All the tow truck guy had to do was merely touch the tire with his finger and it flew off! Right in the left hand lane. A car almost had a collision trying to avoid it! If we would have skidded sideways or been hit, there would have been a MAJOR pile up on 495 that night. There would have been casualties for sure. And even if we hadn't been killed, we would have all probably been seriously injured.

Words can not explain just how blessed I feel right now. The thing that has always scared me most is death ... well, not the act of dying, but fear of what lays on the other side. All my life all I've ever heard is that I'm going to Hell. I'm going to burn in a fiery lake for all eternity. Simply because I like boys. Well, and I cuss. And drink. And like my secular entertainment. And I don't have the holy ghost. And yeah, I'm a bit of a freak ... or what some might term a deviant! Now that I'm grown and living my own life and am HAPPY, I try not to believe that, but I swear, it's like you're brainwashed as a kid. Tell yourself you don't believe it all you want, but that fear is still there and I don't know how to shake it. I do know that I would like to find out who God is for myself and not what some church or some religion says God is. I want to have that personal relationship cuz Lord knows I have so many questions about myself, about my life, about my purpose. I just have no idea how or where to begin. But I thank God that I'm still here. I love my life and I wanna keep living it til I'm old and white haired and my body just can't hold me anymore. Like my Great Grandmother who we had just visited in South Carolina. She is almost 95 and she's absolutely radiant. That's how I want to be.

Life is so precious. It's so easy to caught up in the day to day stuff we must do to keep the food on our table, but I'm really striving to change the quality of my life. There's so much more to be seen, to be experienced then the rut that many of us settle for. This Thanksgiving, my family truly has something to be grateful for!

"Precious and fragile things need special handling." - Depeche Mode, Precious

2 the Boonies

Time to close shop for a few days as I head south 4 Thanksgiving. I'll be out in the middle of nowhere deep in the heart of South Carolina. Plantations, rebel flags and lynching rope ... I always pass these things on my journey through this lovely state. I tell ya, if I wasn't for my great grandmother living there (who is now 94), I'd NEVER go to South Carolina for any reason except to pass through it on my way to someplace better like Miami or Atlanta. That said, at least it'll be nice to clear my mind cuz I'm sure they'll be very little to do down there and I'll probably be well out of the reach of cell phone towers.

SO, HAPPY THANKSGIVING, FRIENDS!! MAY YOUR TURKEY GET STUFFED!

"Thank U, disillusionment!" - Alanis Morrisette, Thank U

Finding Paul

Who's Paul? That is a damned good question and that's exactly what I'm trying 2 find out. As if I weren't busy enough, I've decided to tackle the most time intensive thing I could ... a play. Yes, another one. Yes, I know that it will take more time away from my music and time away from me building my business, but this isn't just any play and this isn't just any role. It's one of my favorite plays, Six Degrees of Separation by John Guare. Some of you may remember the movie version they made of it back in the early 90s. This is easily one of the most difficult, complex and intriguing roles I have ever encountered. That's why I'm so excited!

So, who is this guy? So, he's a con who pretended to be the son of Sidney Poitier. I know he likes "da boys". I can definitely relate to that. I know he's lonely. Ambitious. Creative. He has many qualities that I have and that I like, but at the same time he does some truly despicable things.

Well, I'm not going 2 bore U with my thesis on this character. Just wanted 2 let U know what I'm up 2. I know it's been quiet here lately, but life is happening all around me all the time, u know?

By the way, saw the new Harry Potter. Loved it. Of course. Will see it many many many more times.

"You'll be running away from what U don't understand." - U2, Mysterious Ways

U Wanna Know Me?

This comes courtesy of my divalicous maestro friend Tori Fixx:


Okay ask me privately or publically and I shall answer. I got this survey from a friend and i'm trying it out. Body: YOU CAN ASK ME SIX QUESTIONS:: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. __________________________________________________ No matter how random, revealing, rude, or pointless __________________________________________________ I promise to answer them 100% truthfully __________________________________________________ All questions are COMPLETELY confidential - send to my inbox __________________________________________________ [[[Repost this to see what others ask you...]]] __________________________________________________ IF YOU DONT THEN YOU'RE SCARED OF WHAT PEOPLE MAY ASK

So, go 4 it! I have nothing to hide. (Yeah, right!)

"Something's coming over me ... my baby's got a secret." - Madonna, Secret

Trashy "ART"

Well, after weeks of following up I finally got the word from LOGO and it's a NO GO on my VIDEO. They were super nice though and told me there were 2 reasons for their decision.

1. The video was too raw.

2. The video was too sexual.

Raw, yes, I get that. I shot it on a zero budget with volunteers, I mean it's not typical million dollar MTV fare ... but too sexual?? Is it because I say "penetrate me?" It's GAY MTV!! Have U seen the smut that's on regular MTV and MY little video is deemed too raunchy? I thought the idea of a gay cable channel was to be more progressive, not uptight. I mean, even MSN streamed my video 4 a month.

Anyhither, it's neither here nor there. The video can still be found, thankfully, on outofthecloset.tv. Just look on the left hand menu bar, click MUSIC and then scroll down. I'm mid-page ... U can't miss me.

Then U tell me if U think it's too raunchy. Personally, I thought it was all rather pg-rated, just more suggestive really than anything.

"I'll be your masterpiece cuz U make me feel like I can conquer anything." - Saturn, Art

My Kind of Superhero

This gives me an instant woody. Nuff said.

"I wanna l .. l .. l .. lick U from your head 2 your toes ..." - Ludicrous, What's Your Fantasy

The Drag Crack Whore of Baltimore

At the VERY last minute I decided to join some friends out last night and celebrate Halloween after all. So, for the first time in ten years I dressed up. Quite literally I threw something together in ten minutes - a red crushed velvet shirt, purple pants, a hobo scarf, blue lips, rouge cheeks and eye shadow, a blonde wig, a red skull cap and some really wild red sunglasses. Some one asked me who I was supposed 2 be and I just said a homeless drag queen crack addict. But upon reflection I guess I could have said I was Whitney Houston. SHUT UP!

The boys were out in full force last night! It was more busy than it was Saturday night. Might have had something to do with the $1500 they were giving out for best costumes. I'm so glad I went out and shook my groove thang, it was loads of fun.

And near the end of the night before the usual sidewalk sale took place, I caught a couple of different hotties scoping me out for a little Halloween fun ... it made me feel so good 2 know that I already had somebody so much more beautiful and so much more special at home asleep across town. I wouldn't trade that 4 anything. Thank U, Mr. Adorable, 4 completely changing my life.

"I used 2 cry myself 2 sleep at night, but that was all before he came." - Whitney "Crack is Whack' Houston, All the Man I Need